This article is the third one from a series of articles I am writing on this topic. If you haven't read yet the other ones, you can find them here and here.
Before giving you some techniques, you need to prepare your body, mind and soul for the transformation you need to go through to get the results you want. Think of the below steps as necessary as the plowing a farmer needs to make before sowing – if the earth is not properly prepared, the seeds will not grow and there won’t be any harvest. Likewise, the techniques alone can't help you too much if you are not physically, mentally and emotionally healthy.
Here are some important changes you need to implement in your life to become a better lover and a more confident man:
1. Get More Rest and Relaxation
Because most men work long hours and they usually have stressful jobs, when they reunite with their partners they are already physically and/or mentally tired. This means that when you get home and you want to make love with your partner, you just don’t have enough energy to sustain sex. That is why, I would highly recommend you not to have sex when you are tired. If you and your partner want to have sex, then make sure you have time to relax, both physically and mentally, before love making.
You can do this by: getting a massage (you can go to a spa before meeting with your partner or you and your partner can massage each other - this can be an amazing foreplay), just resting for 1-2 hours during the day, schedule love making in the weekends when you aren’t that busy, getting better sleep (don’t go to bed later than 10:00 pm), doing activities that help you relax and feel more energetic (suggestion: write down 5 actions that make you feel good).
2. Improve Your Diet
Imagine going to the gas station and always filling your car's gas tank with low quality fuel. How will this impact your car on short and long term? You body is as your car - if you eat unhealthy foods you can't expect it to perform at high a level.
By getting more rest, your stamina, meaning your ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort, should increase. However, you can also take ashwagandha supplement – if you have any health problems, please consult with your doctor or another health practitioner before doing this.
Also, these are some foods that will help you increase your sexual endurance:
Organic fruits and vegetables: red grape, banana, watermelon, apple, dates, avocado, asparagus, spinach, beets. Consider including into your diet also: spices, ginger, quinoa.
Wild-caught salmon and tuna.
Dark chocolate - at lest 85% cocoa, with as little sugar as possible.
Pistachios, peanuts, and walnuts - all contain the amino acid L-arginine, which is one of the building blocks of nitric oxide—a naturally occurring gas that helps men maintain their erections. They are also high in magnesium, which boosts energy and endurance.
Things to avoid:
Processed foods - eat as naturally as possible, cook for yourself or order from restaurants that use high quality ingredients.
Cookies, cakes or foods that contain a lot of sugar. You can choose raw-vegan cakes if you have a sweet tooth.
Alcohol - you can have a glass of wine, but too much alcohol will take a toll on your sex drive and performance.
Certain pharmaceutical drugs can even lead to impotence - if you have a health condition that requires to take medication that affects your sex life, look for alternative solutions like homeopathy, acupuncture, essential oils, German New Medicine, regression therapy etc.
Sedentary lifestyle - try walking or working out at least 20-minutes a day.
3. Watch Less Porn
Porn is like a drug – it has similar effects on your brain as cocaine. This means that once you start watching porn, there is a big chance to not be able to live without it. If you watch porn regularly and you can't take a break from it for1-2 weeks, you might be addicted to it. If this is the case, I highly recommend you to go to therapy or coaching to fix this issue.
Among the negative effects porn has on a man is that it makes him ejaculate faster – the reason porn was created is to help men release their sexual tension. However, in order to last longer you need to learn how to cultivate and circulate your sexual energy - if this is something that interests you, please apply to my Pleasure Warrior Coaching Program.
If you choose to watch porn, you can do it consciously, and by consciously, I mean:
Be aware that it is a movie and things don’t happen like that in most instances of people having sex.
Pay more attention to your body’s sensations, and less to the action on the screen.
Take deep breaths and pauses.
Touch your whole body, not only your genitals.
4. Change Your Masturbation Pattern
Most men masturbate in order to release the sexual tension that accumulates in the body and to feel the short pleasure happening when they ejaculate. However, because masturbation is most of the times a “one-man show”, in those moments you are very focused on yourself and on cumming. And when you are with a woman, things are very different in the sense that she also needs your attention and your erection for longer time to have orgasm(s).
If you masturbate daily or once every 1-2 days, using your dominant hand, while watching porn and you cum in 5 minutes, you are basically training your body to always ejaculate fast. By masturbating in the same way every time, you create a habit - meaning you create neural pathways in your brain that will make you behave the same way no matter if you play with yourself or with a woman. Basically, in time, your brain won't be able to make the difference between "Now I am masturbating and I want a fast release" and "Now I am having sex with someone and I want to last a long(er) time".
In order to get out of this pattern, I recommend you to implement the following changes one by one and observe what improves for you:
Masturbate half the times you masturbate now - for example, if now you masturbate every day, start masturbating every two days.
Use your non-dominant hand – this will prolong the session.
Use one hand to touch your penis and the other hand to touch you testicles and other parts of your body like your abdomen, thighs, lower back, butt cheeks etc.
Masturbate without watching porn.
Focus more on your breath and on the sensations you feel.
5. Enjoy Sex
The way many men have sex is goal oriented – reaching orgasm, instead of enjoying the whole experience. This is understandable because men have more testosterone than women, which makes them more focused on 'getting there' instead of 'enjoying the process'. However, life and sex are more similar to a marathon than to a 100 meters sprint race - reaching a goal is amazing, but have you noticed how you transform yourself from the moment you set an objective until you reach it? How you become a better version of yourself during that process?
Now, I can totally understand being goal oriented and forgetting about savoring the path because I used to live and have sex in the same way – it took me some time to start focusing more on the experiences and the pleasure of being instead of the big achievements and the orgasms. I still have big goals and multiple orgasms, however those are not the only things I have.
Decide to make love in a different way:
Focus more on feeling the sensations you get into your body from your partner's kisses, touches, words, movements.
Feel your skin touching her skin, touch her whole body and allow her to touch your whole body, also.
Connect with her by looking into her eyes.
Ask her what and how she likes.
Laugh together of the 'weird' sex sounds.
Sex is not that much about performance, as it is about connection, reciprocity, play, pleasure, yumminess, fun, happiness, joy, laughter, expansion, discovery and the magic of being alive and of being together.
To change your (sex) life, you need to do things differently. What is one thing from this article you will implement in your life ?
In a future blog post I will share more powerful techniques you can use to last longer and enjoy more pleasure with your partner, please make sure to subscribe to get notified when I post it.