5 Signs You Are NOT Ready for a Healthy and Loving Relationship (and What to Do About It)

In order to create a healthy and loving relationship, you need to be healthy and loving yourself.

The relationship and your partner are a mere reflection of yourself; that is why before entering a partnership, you need to take a closer look at yourself.


Are you really ready to co-create a happy relationship or are you still running in circles?


Here are 5 signs that show you still need to do some work before you are ready to create a thriving partnership:



1. You are on an emotional roller coaster


Being on an emotional roller coaster means switching very fast from a euphoric mood (when you feel excitement, joy, exhilaration) to a “dark” mood (when you feel overwhelmed with sadness, disappointment, desperation). This is a sign that you may have some emotional wounds that need healing, maybe stemming from your childhood, with which you might need professional help.


What to do:


Pay genuine attention to yourself and take care of yourself by eating healthily, exercising, meditating, saying “no” to what doesn’t feel good for you, doing more of what you like and even by considering to start working with someone who can help you heal your emotional wounds.




2. You are still crying over your ex


Sometimes, people invest a lot in a relationship, and when a breakup happens, they suffer. Your romantic partner might have done things that could have triggered an old emotional wound and you may be feeling hurt and blaming it on them. Their behavior might not have been very loving, but who was the one who allowed it? In order to change the unhealthy dynamics in a relationship, you need to take charge of your own behavior and “blind spots” (the unhealthy patterns you fail to recognize in yourself).


What to do:


Do a thorough analysis on:

  • What you didn’t like about the previous relationship (reactions, behaviors, words). You want to identify unhealthy patterns, so you don’t start a relationship with someone who has the same issues;

  • What the good parts of the relationship were. You want to be aware of those ones, so you can cultivate them in your next relationship, too;

  • What are some things you learned from that relationship: How did that relationship help you grow, despite having suffered?

  • The way in which you need to transform in order to create better relationships. Maybe you can learn how to establish healthy boundaries, speak your mind or take better care of yourself.


3. You don’t know what you want


You know that you want to be in a relationship, but do you know in what type of relationship you want to be (exclusive, open, poly etc.)? What shared values do you want to have with your partner? What qualities do you appreciate and what things are deal breakers for you? How do you want your life together to look like? What country, city and house will you live in? Do you want children or not? Will you spend more time together or apart etc.?

These are important questions to which you need answers before entering a relationship. Otherwise, you might just repeat old patterns and let yourself be pulled into experiences that are marked by “drama”.


What to do:


Just as anything else in life, if you want something, you need to have a clear idea about it to create it. Take some time to sit down with yourself (maybe you can do short meditations), and ask yourself this kind of questions. Don’t stress about the answer, it will eventually come to you when you least expect it.


4. You are too focused on your career


If career is very important to you and you spend many hours in your office, then you might not have the energy and the time to spend on another person.

If you feel you are in a period in your life when career matters more, then it’s ok.

However, pay attention not to turn a couple of months into a couple of years and not to turn your career into the only pillar in your life. In order for us to function well we need all 4 pillars (health, career, relationships and personal development) to be well balanced.


What to do:


If you want to change something, start by setting a time when, no matter what, you turn off your computer and stop working. Also, call your friends and set a get-together, so you can have fun and also start meeting new people. If you are more introverted, take it slowly and give yourself the time you need to adapt.


5. You are desperate to be in a relationship


Do you constantly lower your standards and accept people and behaviors that make you feel bad only so that you can be in a partnership? Do you believe that being in any relationship (no matter how bad) is better than being single? Do you accept abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) and neglect just so that you won’t be alone? If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you may very likely have a victim’s mindset. This will attract an abusive partner, and you will keep ending up with drama, unless you change something.


What to do:


Start spending time on your own, doing things alone, so that you get to know yourself better. This is how you become independent and able to build a healthy relationship. What are you passionate about? What is something you’ve always wanted to do? What is the dream that you want to come true?


You can create the relationship of your dreams. However, in order to do this, conscious intention, observation and work are required. Think of a relationship as if it were a job: you need to have the skills, the availability, the energy, the desire, the passion and the time to invest in it. By making small changes every day, in a couple of months you will have climbed higher and higher up on the “relationship ladder”, and you might end up getting the position you dream of: becoming a partner in a happy relationship.





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