Single by Choice?

I have noticed that our society sees single people as less valuable than people who are in a relationship and there is a common misconception that there is something wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with you if you are single. Being single is as natural as being in a relationship.


Throughout our life we go through different stages, and not having a partner, as well as being in a partnership, is nothing more than just a stage. Now, the problem is when being single is not a choice, and this comes with a lot of sadness, frustration, and disappointment. This happens because although you may want to be in a relationship, your unhealed emotional wounds, limiting beliefs, unconscious negative patterns prevent you from doing that.



But the good news is that you can transform the parts of yourself that seem to work against getting what you want. Yes, it requires work, energy, money and time, but would you prefer to do something now and enjoy a better life after a while, or live like this for the rest of your life? Life is created through choices, and each choice (or lack of it) has consequences.

Why do people choose to be single?


There are many reasons why people choose this, and here are a few of them:

  • They are focusing on other areas of their life (most of the time on their career), and they do not have the time and energy to invest in a relationship;

  • They are going through a lot of (physical or emotional) pain or even through an illness, and they decide to focus on their healing;

  • They finished an important relationship, and they do not feel ready to open their hearts again;

  • They do not know what they want, and they choose not to be in a relationship until they have clarity;

  • There are too many things happening in their life, and they are not available for a relationship;

  • They are into a self-transformation phase and they want to get to know themselves better before entering a relationship;

  • They do not like anyone in particular, and prefer to wait until they meet someone who is really appeals to them;

  • They want a soul-based relationship, not just any relationship;

  • They simply do not want to be in a relationship. People are very different and just because we think something is normal it does not mean that it applies to everybody. Although we may not understand it, we can still respect someone’s choice.

These are signs of emotional maturity, and not proof of weakness and faulty judgment. It takes balls to be honest with yourself and with other people, and to make a conscious choice to be single until you feel ready and capable to build a partnership with someone. If you chose to be single, it is important to know that this does not mean that you should block yourself from enjoying pleasure, specifically sexual pleasure. Being single does not mean shutting down your sexuality; there are ways you can enjoy yourself even without being in a partnership. These are a few options:



1. Self-pleasure

Giving yourself pleasure is empowering because you satisfy your own needs and you do not depend on anyone. You are an erotic being, regardless of whether you have a partner or not, so just because you are not in a relationship, it does not mean you need to stop feeling sexual pleasure.


Check my article: “Masturbation or Self-Pleasure” for more on this subject.



2. Sex-based interaction


As long as you are being honest with the people you are engaging with, and you tell them that you do not or cannot be in a relationship, and you set very clearly the limits of the interaction, then you could enjoy sex with other people without having to offer things like emotional connection, quality time together, love, affection, commitment etc. Take into consideration that some people could say that for them it is ok, and after some time want more from you. That is why it is better to look for someone who is mature enough to maintain the boundaries you set together.



3. Sexual energy cultivation practices

There are various TAO-ist and tantric practices you can do in order to experience pleasure and cultivate your sexual energy. In the TAO-ist theory, sexual energy is said to originate in the kidneys and bone marrow, which includes, in the Chinese view: the penis, vagina and uterus, prostate and ovary glands, the bladder and kidneys with their meridian, and, for women, also the breasts. If you want to discover some of these practices that will help you gain more control over your ejaculation, and experience full-body orgasms (if you are a man) or multiple orgasms (if you are a woman), please subscribe to my newsletter, to get notified once I post them on my website.

Some single people think it is better to be in a relationship, and some people who are in a partnership want to be single again. Each stage of our life has its beauty and challenges. There is no right or wrong, just something that is more or less suitable to you during that stage in your life. Irrespective of your status, the important thing is for you to be happy and satisfied with your life.

If you are single, has this been a conscious choice? If so, what were your reasons? Let me know in the comments section below. :)