For many people, myself included, 2020 was a challenging year on many aspects: career, health, relationships, money. Life is not always easy, and that is why we need to grow stronger. Take what happened last year as an invitation to start doing things differently in all areas of your life: any crisis is just an opportunity for growth and transformation. It is just the beginning of the year, but close your eyes for 5 minutes and imagine yourself at the end of 2021.
I know it sounds strange, but humor me, for the sake of the game.
Where are you and with whom?
How are you feeling? Are you smiling, are you sad?
Are you in good health?
Do you love, and are you loved?
How many times have you had mind-blowing sex, filled with full-body orgasms, this year?
I do not have a magic crystal ball and I cannot do palm reading, but what I can tell you from my own experience is that if you do not change the way you think and act, your love life will most likely remain the same. And if you are reading this article, I presume you want to improve something when it comes to your romantic relationships and sex life.
If you are single and interested in a relationship, there are two possibilities:
1. You do not meet anyone you like - there are indeed periods in our life when good partners do not show up because we are required to focus on ourselves or on other areas of our life. Take this time to invest in yourself and upgrade your life, so that when someone comes along, you have the emotional availability and resources (time, money, energy, etc.) to be with them.
2. You do meet someone you like, but because you have unhealed wounds, limiting beliefs or you just lack certain skills, the relationship is not working. Personally, I find the latter more frustrating, because meeting someone you really like does not happen every day, and it is a pity not to enjoy beautiful experiences with someone of whom you are fond, just because you have not prepared for it.
If you already are in a partnership or marriage, but you are not that happy or you are not enjoying ecstatic lovemaking, ask yourself: “In what kind of relationship do I want to be? How do I want to feel? What new erotic experiences do I want to enjoy?”
Just like an exam or a job, you need to prepare for being in a relationship. The belief that relationships should just work on their own causes a lot of harm and keeps people single or in unhealthy relationships.
So, the first thing you need to change is your perspective on relationships. If you want to be in a partnership or to get married, and your previous relationships have not proven successful, you need to become a better partner and to learn how to create the relationship you want.
Even though you are with a partner with whom the relationship goes smoothly, do not rest on your laurels.
A relationship is a living organism, and just as a flower, for instance, it needs maintenance – care, attention, time, novelty, love – in order to survive and thrive long-term.
If you have read other articles of mine, you may know I have this mantra:
“You can create the relationship you desire, but you need to work for it.”
And the work I am talking about is the inner work – the hardest one, from my point of view, which makes so many people avoid it. It boils down to which kind of pain you prefer: the pain of not being in the relationship in which you want to be OR the pain of transforming yourself, so you are able to create it.
What will you choose?
To which kind of pain do you want to say yes? Because you will feel pain no matter what you choose. The only difference is that when you choose the latter, you will replace pain with pleasure after a while, whereas if you choose the first, you may live in pain your entire life.
If you are asking yourself, “OK, how can I start taking small steps towards the kind of relationship and sex I want to experience?” here are some practical tools:
1. Observe your thoughts
Your thoughts can either make you or break you. If you do not believe me, just read the following sentences:
“I am not good enough and no one likes me.”
“I am a loving person and I meet nice people easily.”
What did you feel in your body when you read the first sentence?
Tension, contraction, nausea, disgust, sadness, fear?
And what did you feel in your body when you read the second sentence?
Which of these do you think can help you love and be loved?
There is a huge number of thoughts that go through our head every day, and many of them are related to ourselves. In order to gain control over your life, you need to take control of your mind.
Action: Take 5 minutes to sit, breathe and observe what is going through your head.
Mindfulness is one of the key habits of successful people.
Although this is very easy to do, when I tell it to people, they do not seem to properly understand its importance. Somehow, we have come to believe that solutions to problems should be complicated. However, most of the time, solutions are very easy and practical.
To understand the importance of breathing, do this: count from 1 to 10 while you breathe in, and once you reach 10, slowly breathe out. Notice how you feel.
Then count to 2 while taking a breath. How are you feeling now? The more consciously and deeply you breathe, the more you will feel. And you want to be able to feel everything if you want to have full-body and multiple orgasms.
By breathing consciously, you connect with your body. Why is it good for you to connect with your body? Because this way you will become aware of what happens in it: emotions, feelings, states, sensations, tensions etc. And by becoming aware of what you feel, you will be able to stop reacting to whatever happens, and start consciously creating what you want. Also, breathing is one of the ways to increase your capacity to feel pleasure. Doing breathing exercises or techniques can easily put you in orgasmic states, I do this whenever I want to relax, feel better or enjoy some orgasms without touch (yes, you can have orgasms without being touched!).
Action: Take 5-minute breaks during which you just focus on your breathing. Why? Because if you stop breathing, you die. Bye, bye, love and orgasms! And the shallow breathing most people have is a sign of a shallow life, so start breathing with your belly and fill your lungs with air if you want to enjoy amazing experiences and live life fully!
3. Make a commitment to yourself
This commitment may start by answering this question every day: “What have I done today to become a better partner and improve my love life?” Then write the answer down on your phone or in a diary. This way, you will see if you are making any progress, or if you are just lying to yourself.
Action: Write down 3 things you have done today that will help you create the relationship you desire – reading this article counts as one. 😉
If you really want to make a commitment to yourself, then start working with someone who can provide you with the knowledge and tools, help you build skills, and who can also hold you accountable.
I know the self-growth and transformation process is not easy. I have been undergoing it for over 6 years now, and there are still times when I struggle. But after each of these periods passes, I notice that I am stronger, wiser, more resilient, more resourceful and more joyful. I wish you to make the best decisions for yourself and to have an amazing year!
To loving relationships and body-shattering orgasms! Cheers! 😊