If this year you want to bring more fun and love into your life by creating a romantic relationship, then the first step is to get clear with what you want. So, before making a dating profile or going out on dates, ask yourself the below questions and own your answers. There is no right or wrong answer, it's only you and what you desire to experience.
Get clear on what you want as
you can’t find something if you don’t know what you are looking for.
1. In what type of relationship do you want to be?
This is the most important question you can ask yourself (that is why I wrote 2 articles about this, here and here). Why? Well, imagine you wanting to eat a pie, but not knowing what kind of pie you want: cherry pie, apple pie, cream pie, ice cream pie, pumpkin pie, peach pie etc. There are so many delicious options, but which one do you desire the most at this stage of your life?
The reason why you want to get clarity on this is to avoid wasting your time with people who don't want to eat the same type of pie you want to eat.
Many of you reading this article will say "I want to be in a monogamous relationship". That is great, but how will you act when you meet someone you like and they say "I am not ready for a monogamous relationship" or who will say they also want a monogamous relationship, but who won't behave like that? Remember, you said you wanted a monogamous relationship, are you going to stick to your desire and let the other person go, or are you going to put your desire on hold and 'eat the pie' which you don't like, but which the other person wants?
Owning your desire means that you only accept what you desire. Stop settling for less.
2. Do you want to have children?
It may come as a shock to you, but not everybody wants children. You might think that only some men might not want children, but there are also women who do not want children.
If you want to have children, how many do you want? It’s one thing to raise 1-2 children and another one to raise 4-5.
If you do not want descendants of your own, what about children that your partner might have from previous relationships? What is your position towards this? Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who has children and you would need to be a mother/father for them? What about adoption? There are people who do not want biological children but want to adopt. What do you feel about this?
This is also a great question to ask a potential partner: imagine you wanting 2 children and the person you would start dating not wanting any. Or the other way around. Wouldn’t you like to know this as soon as possible so both of you find more suitable partners?
3. Are you more of an introvert or of an extrovert?
There are people who love to go out often and meet with their friends, family, acquaintances, and there are also people who love to stay in their homes, snuggle and not interact with other human beings that often.
Now imagine a relationship in which one of you wants to go out every other day, travel the whole world, go to parties every weekend, and the other one wants to cook dinner, watch a movie, and relax in their home. How happy do you think you will be on long term? Sure, on short term the big difference between how you live your lives can be something exciting, but if you are reading this, I guess you want something more than a fling.
I used these extreme examples to make a point, in most cases people want to go out and also stay in, but what matters is to discover how you want to live: are you more of a’ home and family’ type of person and you want to live more of a “normal” life or are you more ‘adventure and achievement’ type of person and you want to have a more non-conformist life?
How would your ideal life look like? Would you have a 9 to 5, or be an entrepreneur? Would you be a stay at home parent? Would you travel for months or only go on two holidays each year? Would you like to see your partner every day or are you OK with them being away for weeks or months?
4. What does love mean to you?
People say they want love, but most of them have no idea what love means to them. And what happens in relationships is that after a while one or both partners feel unloved, and they blame it on the other person.
You can’t expect to receive love if you have no idea how love looks and feels like to you.
You can start to discover how you feel loved by reading Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” and also by asking yourself “How do I feel loved in a partnership?”. And if you want to go even further, write at least 10 situations in which you feel loved, for example:
· When I receive a long kiss.
· When my partner cooks for me.
· When my partner makes me laugh.
· When I can share my fears without being judged.
· When my partner listens to what I have to say.
· When my partner and I make holidays plans together.
· When after a hard day I come home, and my partner takes me into their arms and says: “Everything is going to be OK”.
· When I can be weird (put here what you think is weird about you) and my partner accepts that.
· When my partner encourages and supports my wishes and dreams.
· When I mess it up and they want to understand why I did that instead of yelling at me or leaving and slamming the door.
By asking yourself this question you will get a clear idea on what your needs are in a relationship. Someone who wants love but has no idea what love means to them can’t be happy and satisfied no matter whom they are in a relationship with.
5. How important is sex for you?
Now, don't get shy. I know you want to be in a relationship with someone who can fuck your brains out. And this can mean anything: someone can feel ecstasy from looking into their partner's eyes and kissing slowly, someone else can go wild by having their body touched and massaged, another person can scream with pleasure by having their genitals licked and/or sucked, someone else enjoys rough play and mind control, others may just want to eat the whole fucking buffet.
What is relevant is what you want AND what you can also provide for your partner, as it takes two to tango. How confident are you in bed? How much pleasure can you let yourself feel? Can you ride orgasmic waves as often as you ride with Uber?
So, how is it going to be? Are you going to settle for lame or 'good enough' sex, or are you going to stand in your fucking power and experience the ecstasy you've only heard about?
I find it very odd that many people invest more time and energy in getting their dream car, house, career, but they give so little thought to their own being. From my perspective, we take from this human experience two things: what we learn and evolve through our own experiences, and what we give to other people and leave as a legacy to the generations to come.
Our time and energy are the most precious things we have. If you want to get better at relationships and sex and create a long-term loving and orgasmic partnership, I invite you to join the group coaching program I created for ladies - Shine Like a Queen. If you are a gentleman and you want to understand women, in and out of the bedroom, I invite you to apply to my Pleasure Warrior coaching program.
What other questions do you consider relevant to you ask yourself before dating? I would love to know your thoughts about this. 😊